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Lebaran Gatherings: How to Make Them Meaningful
Let’s get one thing out of the way: I’ve never been a big fan of Eid Mubarak or lebaran. I’ve always thought that Ramadan is the time when most people are on their best behavior. There’s always a peaceful aura surrounding Ramadan and I’ve never been keen to part with that.
For us Indonesians, lebaran activities mostly consist of hosting gatherings or going to other people’s open houses to meet families, relatives, & friends.
Don’t get me wrong – I love meeting people. But the problem is, when we only meet certain people once a year for a very limited time, the pressure can be overwhelming. Most of the time I fail to connect with people because there isn’t enough time to strike meaningful conversations.
That’s why lebaran gatherings can become mundane routines that we go through every year. If you feel the same way, perhaps these tips can make it more meaningful – if not this year, the next:
1. Acknowledge Differences
Acknowledge that everyone experiences lebaran differently. For as long as I can remember, lebaran for me and my family means attending three gatherings in different parts of the city in one day. For us, the first day of lebaran is usually very stressful. We have to keep a strict schedule for all of our visits and be mindful of the bad traffic in Jakarta.
For my wife on the other hand, she’s played host all her life. Relatives would come from all over the country to visit her parent’s house. Growing up, I wished that my family could one day play host. But being married to my wife for the past seven years allowed me to experience being part of the ‘host side’. Contrary to what I thought, there is pressure and stress – albeit of a different kind – that comes with being a host.
So whether you’re a guest or host, it’s wise to acknowledge that people spend a lot of effort either visiting or hosting lebaran gatherings. Once I realized this, it became clear to me that I need to try my best and make each event more meaningful.
2. Be Radically Honest
There is enormous pressure growing up and having to come to these gatherings. Whether you’re still working your way through college or early in your career, being single, or being married without children – it’s hard to answer those same old prying questions.
It’s time to let your uncles & aunties hear it for once. Tell them that although you haven’t graduated/gotten into a relationship/married/don’t have children – you’re happy where you are and grateful – and that this is what matters most.
Yes, someday you’re going to get there. But until you do, they should learn not to pry or judge and respect your decisions in life.
3. Bring Extra Value
If you’re visiting, don’t forget to bring something for the host. Ask if there is anything that they need for the event. Most of the time, there is always a need for more ice, paper plates, snacks, drinks, or dessert.
The least you can do is not arrive empty handed. Bring something – it shows that you care.
4. Be Authentic
Be yourself no matter what. Wear something you’re comfortable with as long as it is proper. It doesn’t have to be a new outfit as well.
You don’t have to wear a white koko shirt, peci or matching-colored clothes if you don’t feel like it. People will be able figure out who you’re related to even if you don’t wear matching colors.
Being comfortable in your own skin is always more important than looking good for the sake of selfies
5. Make Meaningful Connections
Since you’re likely going to spend hours with people who you’re likely to just meet once a year, you might as well make use of the time and make meaningful connections. Make an effort to establish real connections.
Depending on the size of your extended family, there may not be enough time for you to connect during these gatherings. I’m not talking about connecting with relatives who you’re already close to – but rather the second cousin or the soon-to-be-a-graduate nephew who could maybe use some career advice.
Scheduling a follow-up meeting to catch up afterwards is always a good way to establish a real connection and the chance to get to know them better, in a more relaxed environment.
6. Make it simple
Stress less about the cholesterol intake for a day or two. Make it simple by applying 3 main rules: Eat, eat, & eat more.
Most open houses serve opor ayam (chicken curry) and some even serve pasta. Don’t forget to try the special dish from each house (ask the host, they would proudly tell you).
Forget about your diet for one or two days and put extra miles on the treadmill later.
There you go – six tips that can hopefully make your lebaran gatherings more meaningful in the future.
I would like to wish everyone a happy Eid Mubarak from all of us here at Definite. May we continue to try to be the best version of ourselves every single day afterwards.
I also would like to state that similarities between the content of this article and Definite’s company values is purely coincidental (NOT 😂). There is no intention to brainwash readers to become our company’s supporters (or is there? 🤔)
But if you feel like the values (brilliantly masked by the writer above) are something that you believe in, feel free to explore more here.
